Anxiety

So I was sitting with Viktor waiting for his school to start and he is flipping through my phone looking at photos and starts to play a video that my wife took of Milan and my mom at the Shedd Aquarium back when he was like two I think or maybe almost three. You can hear my wife saying “What are going to see Milan?” and he responds in the cutest little voice “Dolphins”. I started to cry. Openly cry so much that I had to go into another classroom and get a kleenex. Viktor asked me why we were in the other classroom and I told him that I needed to blow my nose because I was crying. Then things got even worse when Viktor’s teacher opened the door and invited the kids in and Viktor picked up his bag and bucket of plastic easter eggs and kissed me goodbye.
I had a dream about loosing my boys, I think that is a fair interpretation of it I think. I’m trying to find them in a museum and I’m moving so slow. I had this feeling that I left them behind and I was rushing to get them. When I saw them I’m running down stairs but again I’m moving so slow and there are people in my way and I’m saying excuse me and then when I look up I can’t see my boys anymore. They have walked off. I’m a wreck this morning.
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Concern

Anyway Milan went pee by himself this morning then went into his room and was supposed to get dressed but instead he sits down with a NinjaTurtle toy a friend of his left behind by accident yesterday. He uses this toy as a hammer and breaks my IQ test game, you know the one where there are pegs in a triangle piece of wood and you are supposed to jump pegs like checkers and the fewer pegs left the higher your IQ. Anyway all the pegs are broken now and I’m a little concerned by this behavior. He typically will divert his attention away from a specific task, like getting dressed for school or sleep, and do something else completely. Not sure if he has ADD I know that it is too early to test for that but this hammering and constant avoiding the responsible things is troubling to me.

Pooping issues

So we are trying something different now with my oldest son and his pooping in his pants issues. We have a chart with potty topics ranging from telling someone that he needs to go to actually pooping on the potty or peeing on the potty. For every deed he gets a star which translates to a treat. Our treat is gummy fruits. We have to do it for our youngest son as well since you can’t give one boy something without giving the same thing to the other. So far it’s 4-1 in favor of youngest son.

Thinking about getting back into writing…again

So a local writers critique group that I belonged to a while ago is starting up again. The original group moved to a new location and while the location wasn’t all that bad, a BN, there just were too many people involved. There was often a waiting list. This group is back at the old meeting place and the guy leading it is looking to keep the regular participation low, to live seven people. That might mean that I get my writing critiqued more frequently. COurse I haven’t written anything in like six or seven months. These blog don’t count. I feel very much as though I don’t have much to say in the way or fiction writing. I was on a very big crime noir type kick. I read that stuff all the time, love it really. So I was trying to create my own character like Ala Philip Marlowe. My wife thought that I was pretty good and so did some of the other members of the first critique group I belonged to. But with most of my time being spent with my kids so we can save money on daycare, my minimal teaching load but over reaching preparation and after teaching schedule, and the lack of money we have forcing me to get another part time job, I’ve just been too lazy or busy to write anything. These blog don’t count though I’m thinking of using them. It’s getting me writing. Anyway I don’t want to go to this new group with the same story I had before. I need something fresh. Just not sure anything in my life is worth writing about in a mystery setting.

The TV goes black.

At home my oldest instantly wanted to watch something on TV. Usually he’s watching Pocoyo or Dinosaur Train but I have told the boys that the TV is ‘broken’ again. I got the feeling this weekend that my oldest is not listening to his body when it comes to going to the bathroom, or me for that matter, because he was consumed by watching TV. So I’m putting an end to this. Off went the TV and now my boys are besides themselves. They are still constantly asking to watch a movie, which to them means watching a TV show like Dinosaur Train. Normally I’m not this bad since I like DT, it’s very educational and it’s an area of interest for me and my wife. But it seems like watching TV is all my kids want to do and rather than listen to them whine about it, I blacked it out forcing them to play with their toys. It worked pretty well before but we went back to watching TV for a family night and then it was like all they wanted to do was watch TV. I give it a week and they will ask for it less and less again. Puts a kibosh on family movie nights but I think it is a good thing. Like Dr. Scott the Paleontologist says in DT; Get outside, get into nature and make your own discoveries.

Back to the routine

Today my oldest son went back to school in the mornings. Due to so many days canceled by Wake County schools back in February, MCC decided to extend the days by a half hour. I think it will work out well because it will give me an extra half hour or so to get some stuff done at Meredith.

So today I picked up him up and we went to the grocery store to get some lunch meat for younger son since he will be going to school tomorrow and will have lunch there. After that we went to Barnes and Noble to play around with the Nook’s. The boys like to play Angry Birds or Fruit Ninja. I told the boys that I needed to go to the bathroom so we went and my youngest went without me asking him. I went and I told my oldest that I wanted him to try and pee. He whined about it but finally went into the stall, locked the door and went. Turns out he went poop and when he was finished he wanted me to help him take his underwear off because he has soiled them. I told him that I would put toilet paper in there and we would have to come home. We stayed at the bookstore a little longer and finally came home. He pooped and wiped himself but he whined about it and will need to change his clothes.

Sigh

I have been trying all week to not ask my oldest about his pooping issues. I’m just supposed to let him recognize when to go and let him go. If it’s in his pants then let him go in his pants I guess. Well after his ‘cleansing’ he is still not taking the time to poop until after its in his pants. Today he smelled a bit so when we got back from Costco I told him he needed to change, which he did, but he didn’t wipe his butt he just put new underpants and shorts on. Later, after we had gone out a second time, I told him he needed to change his pants again because he smelled. He hemmed and hawed about it while sitting on the toilet. I told him that I was proud of him for not putting so much poop in his underwear, he smiled at me but then put his head on my knee like he wants to ignore whats coming next, which is ‘did you poop?’ He wants to take showers now rather than wipe himself too. I let him because the poop was all over his butt. After a while in the shower I told him he needed to wash up but he started to whine about soaping his body. I tried to explain to him that the shower is a place to clean your body not to play in but he whined even more. I stopped the shower and soaped him up, I even went into his butt which he hadn’t washed out. I had to soap my hands down a couple of times. Anyway we finished that and then he put on his jammy’s and then ate dinner and watched a movie. He has taken to telling me he loves me a lot. Not sure if he is unsure of my love for him or if he is hoping to avoid answering the question about the poop. I didn’t mention it at all, which was hard because while I was trying to read him and his brother stories to night he was flip flopping around like he was uncomfortable. When I asked him if he was in pain or anything he didn’t answer. It’s frustrating and sad.

My son and his Pooping problems

So my oldest son is having some pooping issues. I feel that most of it started when I began forcing him to wipe his own butt as well as him starting preschool. I think that he does well in preschool, so well that he is just not pooping any more. At first it seemed as though he just wasn’t wiping, then I went to see someone about this and the suggestions they gave me led him to hate me and fear pooping all together. I took him to the doctor to see if he had a physical problem pooping and she said no we just need to clean out his system and reset it. So I gave him Merilax and he pooped a lot in his pants, which is what he’s been doing this whole time. I stopped giving him that and he still poops in his pants. The Dr. said to put him on the toilet at regular intervals and the woman at Project Enlightenment said not to remind him to poop, just let him feel it on his own. She is going to recommend a child psychologist to see if he can not be afraid to poop and remember to poop. It’s like he feels it, holds it back until he’s ready to poop rather than poop when he needs to and keep going. Like he might miss something by pooping sooner rather than later. I haven’t put him on the toilet regularly but I have asked him if he needed to poop. He hides his butt when I ask him and then after he’s gone in his pants he’s like, did you bring any more pants? Today I go to Hemlock Bluffs and he looks like he needs to go so we go and he pees but I notice that his butt is dirty so I make him sit down and his pants are all messed up. So I tell him we will change when we get home because I didn’t bring any pants. We get home he changes and things are good the rest of the night. He pooped right before putting on his jammy’s. So I think we are back to square one with him. It will be a slow process but hopefully a rewarding one. Hopefully I will learn something about myself on this path.

Wondering…

I just read a short story that takes place in the deep south and it’s about…well I’m not exactly sure. There are these guys and they are playing around in front of a woman, doing a little reminiscing while on a porch swing drinking tea. That is about all that I got out of the story. I’m sure that for most people who grew up in the south this is a great story because it evokes a time and place. But I grew up just north of Chicago in Evanston and while I like porch swings and tea, it really didn’t do much for me.