I seriously don’t know what to write right now. Tonight Milan cried when I grabbed his arm and prevented him from running after his brother. He was supposed to put on his pajamas, but these days he seems like can’t concentrate on the more simple tasks and so when I got a little upset that he was about to take off after Viktor, who was already dressed, I grabbed his arm and sat him back down. He started to cry and my head began to tense up. The whole bath time was frustrating, both my boys like to put the bath water in their mouths so I tell them to stop, they ignore me. I take things away and then they cry for what seems like hours.

After Milan finished crying he brushed his teeth but then he didn’t want me to read to him so I lay there with him and listened while he slowly fell asleep. He started to put his fingers in his mouth more too. So now we have pooping issues and he is beginning to suck his fingers. Never was like this until I tried to get him to do things on his own. Makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong, then I think of how my father would lecture me endlessly about I don’t know what, and I feel like I’m doing that with Milan. It saddens me to think that I’m being my father. It frustrates me that this isn’t what I really wanted to write in my blog but I just couldn’t figure out how to put into more creative words what I’m feeling. I want to be a writer and I can’t even write. Makes me very sad.

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